crafted by photobiz

ok. what's the damage?

...that's British for "How much?". learned something new today!

If this was the first page you clicked on, back that ass up and go look at my work first, ok? Thanks.

Before we even talk money, we need to get some things out of the way: Dear Bridezilla, though I admire your passion and zeal for over-functioning, I'm not the photographer for you. It's not you, it's me. Honestly.

Secondly, and most importantly, a sense of humor and being laid back is an absolute must. Being a fan of House, Indiana Jones and Archer is optional, but highly recommended. OK! On we go...

Weddings currently start at 2200 up to 2700. Ask me what that includes. I double dare you.

Here are some of my thoughts on pricing...

  • Packages are dumb.
  • Packages with names are really dumb.
  • Giving you pictures on social media for sharing is really awesome.
  • Giving you a gallery for fast viewing and downloading is really awesome.
  • Online hosted gallery to order professional prints at cost that gets you the best without losing your shirt is...well...awesomest..

After the job is done, you'll get everything you need to show off and share your images. Pictures for facebook, you'll also get images you can print yourself if you're brave enough, and you'll have access to professional quality prints at cost. If you want other stuff, I can hook that up too. If you opt to do your own prints, I'll give you honest advice so you don't mess it up. If you order t-shirts, I get one too.

Hiring me would be a great idea. Easily the best you've had for the last four days. Unless you adopted an animal from the Humane Society, in which case that was. Shelter animals rule.

Your friends will literally turn green when they see them, and quietly ponder to themselves why their pictures are so basic compared to yours. I guarantee no one else out there is doing what I do.

If you're a prospective bride just doing research and thinking you have plenty of time to try and work with me: Unless we're talking about a two-year time span, I'd suggest you email me pronto. That isn't a cheesy infomercial "call-in-the-next-10-minutes-to double-your-order" to create a false sense of risk... it's a straight up fact that due to extreme brilliance, we book out way in advance. Don't say you weren't warned...

  • Portrait sessions you're looking at 300 all-in. Events vary, so ask me and I'll work it out, but you're looking at 300 an hour, boss.
  • Thanks to the glorious State of Wisconsin, you'll have to stump up sales tax too... I'm sure you're lovely and on a budget, but the law is the law.
  • Pictures where you have the whole wedding party jump in the air are an extra 50 bones. Just kidding. Kinda. Actually not really, it's the only add-on I have.
  • If it's a Star Wars wedding, or heck, even a Pirate wedding, you get special rates.
  • If it's a Big Bang Theory wedding, I charge you double and it stays between you and me.